Notes from the Marketing Manager’s desk

Marketing 101

Paper Boat, drinks and memories

I’d like to know who’s at the helm of the marketing division of this company.

Right from the name of the brand’s name to the punchline, they have nailed the associations with the sub conscious of the buyer or even just the prospective buyer.

Did anyone know what the name Rizwan meant? Unless my name was Rizwan or I named someone Rizwan, I wouldn’t be one to know what it meant.


This little video is one of the few Youtube ads that I haven’t skipped in some time and it was well worth it.

In true spirit of the notes from the necropsy style, I’d love to reduce it to what or how it makes you blindfolded into buying the product which is what successful advertising is, but just this once I think I won’t.

But just to give you a gist of the emotions it provokes in you,

It highlights all the classic cliches of making you feel empty only to make you fill you up.

-You are unique.

-Fruits (or flowers in this case) of your own hand are always better.

-Dogs are a sign of accomplishment.

-Urban life is shit.

-Simple life is awesome

-Tea is awesome too.

-We just deviated from showing our actual product in our own commercial and showed a hot beverage which is a complete opposite of what we sell. We are genius!


-Childhood romance.

-Fruition of the said romance.



-Reassurance that you are indeed unique. (Spend on yourself for as long as you can last/survive)

That’s it for now.

Advertising. Messing with your subconscious decision making capabilities since the bear trap went out of vogue.

Yes.. I’m making a comeback with more of these Notes from the Necropsy



Copywriter’s notes

Ever wondered what the chemical composition of salt is? No. You never wondered. Because it was the first one (ok, second. we learnt H2O first) that was taught to us in school before chemical compositions started getting weird and breaking bad complicated. It is EQUAL PARTS of sodium chloride, NaCl. Yes, we wondered at first why is sodium abbreviated as Na when neither of the letter are present in its spelling.

But that is not it. Unless you went on to learn chemical engineering or just a lot of chemistry, to you, salt is still sodium and chlorine! What was on the notes of this copywriter when he started writing this ad?

Did it read,

‘sodium is bad for health
diabetes, lung cancer, oh wait that is cigarette, ah what the hell.
It is mostly BP etc etc…
deduct sodium reduce sodium in client product.
Low sodium salt.
This is the pitch that will fetch me an ad.
Can I go EUREKA for this? Of course I can, I will.

Did the copywriter really forget the fact that if you reduce the sodium content in salt without reducing the chlorine content, it doesn’t remain salt anymore? Let us say, to compensate, you reduce chlorine as well. It still wont be salt if you do not have both chlorine and sodium in equal parts!

Fine, let us agree that they add some other components to even things out. Tell us about it. Because most of us still are people who believe that salt is just Sodium Chloride!

Some people just do not understand the power of the internet.

Notes from the Necropsy is a collection of observations derived while I satisfy my dark desire to dissect the alleged creative process of popular media. 


Assisstant director’s notes

Call me a pervert, but there is something wrong with the first 5 seconds of this ad. And a lot of people can see it. I’ve asked around.

Why impose a sexual innuendo, when you could have just thrown the slinkiest of bikini’s probably made of leather, on a girl and had her hold a gun or sit on a bike or hold a bottle of beer like all the other great commercials do?

I’m just not even going to delve into a detailed necrospy here. My necropsy report for this ad will read “Fucked up on arrival. Damage left TV ad beyond comprehension. Going to eat a sandwich.”

Notes from the Necropsy is a collection of observations derived while I satisfy my dark desire to dissect the alleged creative process of popular media. 


Why was the wheel invented?

If you have read the previous entries of the notes from the necropsy, you will know that I’m trying to find some terrible fault in something that was shown on popular media. This time, it is a little different.

No. it is not about the potential epilepsy inducing powers of this video

It could very well be about that evident hesitation in removing the mask by the girl on the right of the screen. But, it is not.

It is about this, the full version of the other side. Sorry, you have to go to the site and view it. I did not have a way of integrating a preview right here and with very good reason for it too.  This is not just any other ad. It is what I would call the reason why the wheel was invented apart from the fact that it can be used in carts and wheels and transportation and cars. The wheel was invented so we can make awesome looking cars like the Honda Civic. (Cue, the tail light of the bright red type-R in this film) And then make brilliant films like this one to advertise these beautiful machines.

This should be the only time of your life when you will enjoy pressing the R key in the middle of watching a visual masterpiece, if I may. It is like watching two films for the time of one. Before I spoil this anymore for you. I just wanna tell you that if you have a bad internet connection, let the video play one full time on its own and then replay it hitting the R key to toggle between the two stories of the two different but very awesome cars.

Notes from the Necropsy is a collection of observations derived while I satisfy my dark desire to dissect the alleged creative process of popular media. 


Director’s notes

To console or to not console?

Ok, to start off, the necropsy notes does not intend to target any company or creative agency in particular. Although this is the second consecutive post about amazon commercials, I know this guy in person. I had worked with him during a theatre production and he seemed like a nice guy and I have nothing against him. I might even treat him as a good friend. I did even congratulate him when I saw him on TV.

Then what the hell is my problem? It is gaming console (kənˈsəʊl) not console (kənˈsəʊl). How could no one notice the mispronunciation on the set? Or did the director think that it should be let to fly because he thought, “This is Amazon India’s ad. In India, we won’t know the difference between the two usages of the word console. Bhencho… I don’t know it. So we won’t correct it.”

Or this ad was done with no supervision of the director since the actors themselves were so good at acting and hence the mispronunciation was neglected by virtue of no one being around to even catch it in the first place. Low budget ad’s are good. But there is a reason why certain people are employed and get a little more than minimum wage. The power of observation!

Notes from the Necropsy is a collection of observations derived while I satisfy my dark desire to dissect the alleged creative process of popular media. 


Creative Director’s notes

A while back, India’s very own motorcycle manufacturer released the new version of its biggest capacity motorcycle. The 223cc Hero Karizma  ZMR. Habitually, they had to release a TV commercial to more than let people know that the bike is available. I have hard core fans of the older Karizma R come up to me and tell me that the advertisement is mind-numbingly omnipresent! TV, Youtube, everyhere. You couldn’t escape the ad and I couldn’t escape the process of the creative director who put the ad together.

There are two factors that I cannot digest. In this scenarios, solving for x, solves for y as well. Is the commercial picturized in the north pole or the south pole. If it was meant to be the north pole, then the creative team fucked up and if it was meant to be the south pole, the creative team still fucked up.
1) Ice breaker ship: Can be found at either poles.
2) Dumbass who will leave his camera gear lying around on a table in rocking ship: Can be found at either poles.
3) Penguins: Can only be found in the south pole. No, I’m wrong. They are just not found naturally in the north pole!  So, this is Antarctica, right?
4) Dumbass who will take a motorcycle in the snow instead of a snowmobile: Can be found at either poles.

I’m just yanking their chain. Of course I know the whole ad is meant for creative visualization only. No one who manages to buy this bike inspite of its hideous ‘my plastic is spilling out of my body size’ look, will ever actually take it to one of the two polar regions you are trying to tell us that this bike can survive.  Even if someone did, it has to be for a reason as naive as clicking a photograph and not having a patiala peg of whisky to celebrate it.

5) Northern Lights: Is particular only to the norther hemisphere. If you are in the penguin inhabited Southern hemisphere, it is called Southern Lights. This one is the deal breaker. I’m guessing the client had you insert the text that says Northern Lights or some jackass there asked you, ‘Do you think every one in the audience can identify what that colorful smoke is?’ and forced you to explain it with a text blurb.
Somewhere in the creative director’s notes I’d like to know that he (I’m guessing a woman was not in-charge of this ad) considered using the term, Aurora instead of Norther Lights. Because then he could have been true to his clients, manager and to the one bloody pole where you can show penguins and get away with it.

Notes from the Necropsy is a collection of observations derived while I satisfy my dark desire to dissect the alleged creative process of popular media.